Welcome to Will to Live, a RP set in the fictional town of Monroeville, Maine. Orginally a small fishing village turned college town turned tourist trap, long-time locals are now outnumbered by newcomers in their ever-expanding hometown. Plots are primarily member-driven, with a wide range of interesting and diverse characters to interact with. Feel free to jump right in; fresh perspectives and ideas are always welcome.

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AUTUMN 2017

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 hey, little songbird, schol / ed
Edna Nödl
 Posted: Jan 20 2017, 05:47 PM
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SEEING AS YOU'VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE
AND I COULD USE A CANARY

Edna Nödl & Scholastica Řezník

thread warnings
| dissociation | unreality/magical thinking | religious themes | internalized homophobia |



Edna's lies are starting to unravel.

She pretends not to notice.

He knows, he knows, he knows, but he's the only one. Her parents still see her in her work clothes, still see her leaving for hours every day and so they assume to know where she's heading. She doesn't correct them, doesn't set the record straight,

admits nothing.

It's getting colder, it's too cold, but Edna barely feels it, her body shivering of it's own accord inside her coat, her throat sore and her nose running with sickness that comes from spending so much of her time in the grey and bare woods behind the hospital,

pretending she still belongs there,

pretending everything is still fine.

It has to be, she needs it to be.

Because it's the only thing keeping her tied to Earth.

It's easier to pretend here, where no one has any idea where she is, where no one bothers her, where no one knows and no one contradicts the thoughts in her head.

She sits on the ground here, her back against a tree, raised roots digging into her legs, the cold ground stealing more of her body heat. The world still moves around her, sounds that blur together until it's one continuous noise in her head,

so that she can't pick out the sound of footsteps crunching on dead leaves, dry twigs

so that she doesn't even realize she's not alone anymore.

--------------------

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Scholastica Řezník
 Posted: Jan 21 2017, 04:26 PM
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This was her in-between time. It was supposed to be relaxing, wake her up after a long long nap in her car. You see, she'd made a bit of a mistake this semester, taking on certain hours at work that finished up about three or so hours before her class clinical was to start in the same place.

So, she'd cut out her in between time. Slept two to two and a half hours in her car in the parking garage at St. Oswald's and then woke up, groggy and bleary

but able to wake up after a brisk walk around the area, change her scrubs, eat a snack of celery and peanut butter and make it to clinical as bright eyed as she possibly could after all of that.

(Which, actually, is pretty bright eyed for most people.

She loses a little of that bounce though.)

Meanwhile, she tried to pretend she wasn't secretly counting down the days until she could switch her work schedule. One month, she can handle one day a week like this for a month, right? God willing. And besides, a short walk, as idle as it sometimes seemed, was nice. Especially with how cold it was still, sleeping in her car even for two hours at a time ended up with her waking to cold fingers and toes, and a walk not only helped to wake her up but also helped her circulation, made her feel warmer before heading back inside.

And, besides, what was the worst that could happen on a walk? In Monroeville? In the daylight hours?

well...

"Hello? Hello? Are you okay?" Scholastica's voice is panicked, to say the very least. Of all the things she thought her walk would have in store for her, a person (asleep, awake, dead, alive?) slumped down against a tree was the very last thing she'd been expecting. Not that, admittedly, she'd been expecting a whole lot.

(She doesn't recognize Edna

not yet.)

She's been fiddling with the cross she wears around her neck through the faux fur of her jacket, shaking with anxiety and fear and cold that had settled in when she'd stopped walking. "Ohhhh my, oh my gosh, this is... please... please say something!" And her hands go out then

she thinks she's allowed to shake someone who may or may not be in peril

right?

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Edna Nödl
 Posted: Jan 24 2017, 11:46 AM
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Scholastica's words are just more noise, sound that Edna's too far away to understand. Her eyes glazed over, she doesn't notice the shift of colors either, when she comes in close.

But when Edna feels hands on her shoulders, she flinches, dragged back to Earth in a way that feels like whiplash, leaves her dazed and disoriented for several seconds.

Trying to make sense of things, her hands go up, finding Scholastica's wrists and holding them tight, pressing her fingertips in to feel how solid she is, how real.

She remembers her voice now, after a long delay. "I know you," she whispers, her voice hoarse from the cold.

And then, "You're not supposed to be here."

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Scholastica Řezník
 Posted: Jan 24 2017, 09:32 PM
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She doesn't recognize the voice first, either.

It's hoarser, harsher than the first time they'd met and sends shivers down her spine. The words themself make her feel a sudden bout of fear, and against all reason she wonders if the girl sitting here, holding her wrists so tightly, is possessed. It's enough to make Scholastica jerk her hands back while a sound comes from the back of her throat out of the shock of the touch. She's trying to go back to the cross around her neck as if that would save her from whatever had hold of the woman here.

It's slowly that Scholastica remembers her. Finally looking to see her eyes, familiar and large and pale, her stringy hair and to separate out the roughness from a voice she'd remembered from before.

"Oh... oh it's you!" she doesn't say, feels guilty for even thinking: the unplesant woman from before. Her face suddenly hot, and throat scratchy from the cold air she'd breathed in too quickly, sharply. "Oh... why I... I'm allowed to be here. It's just I was taking a..." but it occurs to her late through her rambling that

maybe possessed was incorrect.

She'd sat with enough delirious patients to know what that looked like at least.

"Listen, listen, can you stand? I'm going to bring you inside, to the emergency room okay? I don't think you're well, if you can't stand I-I have my phone! I think my professor would be here by now I can call her. Or my boss or... um, someone! But... but yes it's me. Yes. Scholastica, remember?"

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Edna Nödl
 Posted: Jan 24 2017, 10:37 PM
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While Scholastica rambles on, Edna's slowly shaking her head. There's panic, but it feels like something separate from herself, an arm's length away where she could choose to reach out or ignore it.

It doesn't show in her voice, slow and even as it always is. "No.

No one knows I'm here."

(No one can know.)

A long pause, and then:

"How did you find me?"

She thought she was invisible out here, nonexistent with no one else around to prove otherwise.

It doesn't feel like an accident, that this girl would be the one to drag her back to reality.

--------------------

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Scholastica Řezník
 Posted: Jan 25 2017, 04:27 PM
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Scholastica stops then, pursing her lips at the question. It doesn't make sense, does it? Or is she just being stupid? The latter seems far more likely, but...

"I didn't... know you were here! I promise. And I didn't really find you, I just... you see it's more like I..." she tries to gesture, forgetting her hands are still being held. "More like I stumbled across you. I was taking a walk is all, and I saw you there, I thought you were dead but..." she shakes her head. It doesn't matter, the details.

Explaining herself shouldn't matter here at all. (Rarely does it ever matter.)

The woman, Edna she remembers, is still acting funny.

She's alive, but her hands are cold, her eyes are glassy, what Scholastica can see of her face is flushed. She keeps sniffling.

"I think you're sick now though. I think you shouldn't be out here, it isn't safe."

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Edna Nödl
 Posted: Jan 28 2017, 06:26 PM
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It isn't safe.

You're sick.

Edna laughs at that, hard enough that it turns into a dry cough that makes her eyes water a little.

"This is where I'm supposed to be," she says hoarsely when she finally catches her breath, settles back against the tree with her eyes open but not focused on any particular thing.

"Go back to your walk."

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Scholastica Řezník
 Posted: Jan 29 2017, 11:54 AM
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medical / hospital talk
talk of death



And Scholastica's stuck then, unsure if she should hang her head, nod and move away

or do something because this clearly isn't right.

She's maybe been getting better about the latter, dealing with patients who don't want to be in bed, sometimes calling out in delirium, trying to yank IVs from their arms. She's been maybe getting better the more her classes go. Maybe, maybe it doesn't matter

she hovers stuck for a moment

and then she shakes her head.

"No you're not!" she says firmly, and reaches out to take Edna's hands then. (They're cold, like ice, and Scholastica is reminded too much of death.) "It's cold out and you're freezing and you're going to catch your death if you stay out here any longer. You can come back on a nicer day, when you feel better, but for now please come with me!" She holds her breath, prays for forgiveness, lies, "it's alright, I know it will be, I'm a nurse, okay?"

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Edna Nödl
 Posted: Jan 29 2017, 12:24 PM
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Edna slouches even more against the tree. Scholastica's hands are warm compared to hers, and so she doesn't pull away.

It doesn't seem quite right, though. She can feel it, but it doesn't seem connected to herself, like her own hands were someone else's. She shifts her fingers experimentally just to see if she can, but it doesn't relieve her, doesn't reassure her of reality the way it should.

"Don't need a nurse," she murmurs, closes her eyes and shifts like she's trying to settle into sleep. But her hands, someone else's hands, tighten around Scholastica's so she can't pull away easily.

"You can't tell anyone about this," she says as her nails dig in.

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Scholastica Řezník
 Posted: Jan 29 2017, 02:27 PM
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"Ouch!" she says it more to let Edna know she's hurting her, because she can't be doing it on purpose. She can't mean it.

Still, her heart is beating all too fast now, though, because she still hasn't discovered a way to calm down her body and mind when things go differently than expected. There's no call light here to call for help, and she doesn't think she'd be able to get her phone out with the way Edna's holding her either. Still, after a beat of that, trying and trying not to react with panic, tightening and loosening her hands around Edna's, she manages to get her voice to a soothing level.

"I'm not going to tell anyone, then. But you still... you're sick. You should go home, at least for today. You should rest." She slips down, bottom against the hard cold ground, it makes her shiver. "Did they send you home from work today? Because you're sick? I have tissues in my pocket if you need to blow your nose too."

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Edna Nödl
 Posted: Jan 29 2017, 04:13 PM
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"It doesn't matter," Edna says with her eyes still closed, her hands relaxing to fall into her lap where they curl into loose fists, her nails digging into her own palms now. It feels more real than anything else does right now.

She feels like she should be irritated at being bothered by this girl, she should feel more fear, more urgency than she does right now at the idea of Scholastica walking away and letting it slip to someone else that this is what Edna did with most of her time nowadays.

She knows she should be feeling, but nothing seems to touch her except the crescent-shaped indents that she's working into her palms. She doesn't feel sick, she doesn't feel cold, she doesn't fully understand why the girl is so worried.

"Nothing can change this now anyway," It sounds like she's talking to herself then more than Scholastica, her voice dreamy and far away. "It's just the way it is."

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Scholastica Řezník
 Posted: Jan 29 2017, 05:53 PM
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Scholastica pauses, breathes in and checks her phone for the time. She calculates.

She knows it wouldn't be right to just leave Edna here like this. And yet, the way Edna looks, the way she's speaking, that distant sound... oh how Scholastica wishes she had a bed, that she could wander away and know there was someone else to take her place. But, she doesn't.

It would be cruel, wrong, to just leave.

So she crosses her legs, leans forward to take Edna's hands in her own again, trying to keep her nails from digging too far in. "Then I'll stay with you until you decide it's time to leave," she decides.

Hopefully it would be soon.

She's cold down here.

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Edna Nödl
 Posted: Feb 6 2017, 05:33 PM
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Like the last time they'd met, Edna finds a challenge in Scholastica's words.

A test of how much of her time she could waste, how much she'd allow Edna to steal.

Like the last time, she thinks there must be a reason that Scholastica is the one that found her. She latches onto it, clutches the girl's hands a little too tight in her own so that she can't pull away easily.

She doesn't say anything else, just relaxes her back against the tree again, closes her eyes, still holding on to Scholastica.

Waits for her to crack under her own impatience.

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Scholastica Řezník
 Posted: Feb 7 2017, 08:41 PM
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She lets Edna hold her hands, lets her lean back just like that, tries to keep quiet and still. Her professors always say that in times like these, times of distress, it was best to be silent. Let the other person fill in the gaps, build that bridge of trust. But, all of this takes patience, takes a steady mind that's unafraid of such things like long stretches of time where no one speaks.

Scholastica isn't that patient yet

a virtue she's yet to properly learn.

She's wiggling around barely a few minutes in, trying to find a comfortable spot on a ground wholly uncomfortable. She's moving her hands in Edna's.

She holds out the most on words, but even those spill out after a time,

"Edna," she says suddenly, the rest of her stopping in its fidgeting. "That was your name, right? Is this a hiding spot for you or something?" Without the ability to play with the cross around her neck, she runs her thumb over Edna's hands instead, looking at her nails, trying to keep them as warm as she can. "It's pretty," she says, and tries to believe its not a lie.

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Edna Nödl
 Posted: Mar 6 2017, 07:47 PM
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Edna hums, can feel the way Scholastica keeps shifting, always moving in front of her, a strange sort of energy against the stillness that Edna feels inside herself. She barely notices those short few minutes are spent in silence, Scholastica's fidgeting seems so loud to her, as small as they are, as quiet as she tries to keep.

She's slow to catch on when the girl finally speaks, though of course Edna had expected it wouldn't take long. She only processes the words after they've been hanging in the air between for several seconds, humming in acknowledgement when her brain finally makes sense of them.

She doesn't respond though, only smiles something cruel, something vaguely and distantly amused, so small on her face that it's barely there.

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